7 years and counting

7 years ago this Easter, I was diagnosed with Crohns Disease, It has changed my life, in some ways for the better but overall, definitely for the worse.

I'm turning 25 this year and my life is in no way how I ever imagined it to be. I never went to university. I never even completed college. I've never been on a night out that wasn't in my home town. I can rarely plan ahead further than a few days, and I've never been on holiday without my parents or a friends parent.

This is by no means self pity. This is my life. And like it or not, I've had no choice but to accept it.

Being diagnosed with a chronic illness at such a young age, has shaped and formed the person I am today.

I have a strong stomach now, where as at 17 after a paper cut I'd need a lie down, and watching casualty was NOT an option. 

I also don't fear needles anymore. Hell if I did my life would be a constant battle. Just to get my medicine involves 4 needles at a minimum. 

It has also left me with anxiety and serious trust issues. 

In 2013 after a few years of remission following surgery and an ileostomy which has since been reversed. My symptoms started to return and pretty soon I was going to the loo and nothing was happening, except filling it with blood.

Which as you can imagine is extremely distressing for anyone.

I had a colonoscopy following a few tests (which showed my crohns was actually still in remission) to find out some answers.... and there it was. Crohns was raging and flowing through the last 6 inches or so of my bowl. 

Its now 2015 and I'm taking part in a medical drugs trial. I wish I could say it was going well. 

My crohns is in remission (So it definitey works) but as it suppresses my immune system I have been unwell with a string of infections since Christmas, as I'm writing this I have full body aches, a raging fever and tonsillitis!

Every day at the moment is a physical and mental struggle. Just getting up to walk to the bathroom in a morning takes it out of me. My life seems to run a pattern of work.. get sick,,college.. get sick.. work... get sick and so on. 

I dont go out, I dont socialise. If I'm at home, it is to rest and to gain as much energy as I can before I have to get up and go again. 

It is draining and sometimes I wonder whats gotta give. Cause eventually something has to. 

I see the strain it puts on my boyfriend and family. I shouldn't have to be helped to get dressed because I'm too weak to do so. Nor helped to get up and into bed because I'm completely drained.

I know it annoys people that I'm always sick, and sometimes probably comes across as an excuse to get out of something. And I bet people think, 'here she comes again, wonder whats wrong this time!'. I'd feel the same and I've thought that about people who are ill too. People have their own issues and problems.

Crohns is an invisible illness. Just cause I've curled my hair and I'm wearing makeup doesn't mean I'm better. It means I had a little more time that morning to get ready!! It's whats going on inside that's the problem!

I don't know whats around the corner or what my life will be like in 7 more years.

I'm just happy I'm still alive, and have my loved ones around me.
Life is too short..

So for now, I'll try to carry on, and smile as best I can.